i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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