And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize