Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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