So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You dont lie about slip and slides
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
