My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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