Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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