So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
