I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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