Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
