I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just cropdusted the office
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
