You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
