i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize