she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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