her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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