I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize