i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
