i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
