tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
