i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
