the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
