Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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