Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
