That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
