dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
