He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
