I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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