I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
