i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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