Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
