I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize