i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
