anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize