I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
