I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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