you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
