By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
