The maid of honor just puked.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
