Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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