Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
