kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Randomize
