I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He told me they were just razor bumps!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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