Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
