I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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