For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
