You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
