They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize