The maid of honor just puked.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
