dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have tasted many bathrooms
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
