Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
