There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
