just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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