How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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