he shaved USA in his pubs
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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