Can i not drive my cunt home
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
