This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
