i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
