no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
