420 ftw
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
