I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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