weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
