He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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