He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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