girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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