We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
