she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize