awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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