If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize