if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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