I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
