Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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