Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
