just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
