If i come over, it means nothing
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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