she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
