oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
