Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
