Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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