Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
