So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
