her vagine was all disorganized.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
