Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
