I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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