planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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