Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
