i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
