i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
