The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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