if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
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