So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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