I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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