He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We got so high we made milksteak
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
