You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
