i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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