I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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