I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
