no, he came in my armpit
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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