Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
