just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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