So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
either way he was missing a nipple.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
