My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
