There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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