Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
worst night to have a conscience
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There r osticjed everywhere
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize