it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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