Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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