I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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