I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
